The real Agricola e-mails

Satiricus was trying to fall asleep. He’d just finished reading a letter in the papers from the Naga Man. He was explaining why he and his buddies couldn’t be behind the Agricola Mayhem. A terrible thing that – the terror that had been inflicted on so many thousands of people. Why, even his friend Bungi’s children had been robbed and beaten! They were still crying about it.
Anyhow, the Naga Man said he was printing all the e-mails he and his KFC pals were busy with the night of the Agricola assault. This would prove that they’d all been home. This was their alibi. As Satiricus drifted off to sleep, he thought that the Naga Man was really pathetic. Did he really think people would believe his e-mail story? Didn’t he know that even if he could show those e-mails were real, he and his cronies could have sent them from Agricola from their laptops? He had a dream about the real e-mails.
Naga: This is Agent “Shut-yuh-so-an-so-mout”. I’m embedded with the boys in Houston watching the situation.
Ram Jhaat Tan (The Jhaat): Naga what the ass yuh talking about? Just because you did some journalism classes, yuh talking about ‘embedded’? You were supposed to buy drinks for the boys we hired and send them to Agricola.
Naga Man: I drinking! I mean I’m buying drinks and I have to drink with the boys. The sacrifices I have to make for the KFC!
NoGel: Jhaat! Is the same thing I always saying. You can’t keep discipline. You got to use code. The man’s name is Agent Shut-yuh-so-an-so-mouth during this operation. I talking to Shag Mom. She really riled up de people in Agricola.
The Jhaat: Is who you telling about discipline? How come you address me by my real name “Jhaat”? Why you couldn’t use me code name, “Number One”?
NoGel: What you talking about? My code name is Number One!! But you probably drunk already… Did you give Bench Cack the thing?
Trat Man: Ok fellas. Remember the mission.  The mission is we have to oppose, expose and depose the PPPEE! I have to be impartial to the public, of course.
Ram So Roop (Flower Boy): Alyou got to excuse me for this operation. I had to deliver some flowers to the Sisters of mercy.
The Jhaat: What a wuss you are Flower Boy! I know we couldn’t trust a man who wouldn’t eat wild-meat with Kiss Soon.
Dominy Raskin: This is Agent Gofer. Now I know why NoGel picked me to be stuck in the traffic to tell people to drive out into the streets to be robbed. It’s a blasted riot going on here!
Naga Man: You want me to extract you? I have assets on the ground, you know.
The Jhaat: What’s with the “Agent talk”, Naga Man? Like you drunk as usual, or what?
NoGel: Number Two, you will have to be sanctioned for this continuous breakdown in discipline. How many times I got to tell you the man’s handle for this operation is “Shut-yuh-so-an-so-mouth”?
The Jhaat: I’ll always be Number One, I’ll have you know, No-gel!! I done with alyou tonite.
Naga Man: Uh! Uh! I said that once and look what happened!